Geraldine 'The Winners Song'

Chart Peak: 2

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Funnyman Peter Kay's reality TV show parody Britain's Got The Pop Factor... And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Superstar Strictly On Ice spawned the victorious Geraldine McQueen... Her single 'The Winner's Song' reached No. 2 in the UK chart in October 2008.

The notes are evidently too polite to mention this but the single was intentionally scheduled for the week when the 2007 X-Factor winner Leon Jackson released his first proper single (the follow-up to his own winner's song, featured on Now 69 of course). Presumably there was hope of provoking a media-friendly battle for the Number One single, but it didn't turn out that way: "Geraldine" entered at Number 2 behind P!nk with Jackson a not especially close third. Simon Cowell might have been disappointed by that outcome, though it seems unlikely that he cared that much about Jackson in the first place - as the wise businessman that he is, Cowell evidently invests in winners based on his faith in their future prospects. In any case, Kay's satire seems a bit of an inside job; the original TV broadcast featured people from real talent and reality shows as themselves, whilst this song was written by Kay and Gary Barlow (not yet the X-Factor judge he now is, but already an associate of the show). It was even produced by Syco collaborator Steve Mac, who did a lot of the real winners' songs. And the tabloids did do their best by trying to manufacture outrage over the fact that this wasn't a charity single - not that he'd ever said it was, but supposedly some people had assumed it was like Kay's previous (and subsequent) musical endeavours.

By 2008, Peter Kay hadn't done real new work for a while, attracting criticism for releasing DVDs of the same jokes repeatedly. So there was a lot of anticipation about the TV special, although I didn't watch it and can't comment much on how funny or satirical it was; I believe there was some controversy about the fact that the Geraldine McQueen character was supposed to be transsexual and that this was arguably the butt of some of the humour (particularly given the size and shape of Kay himself even in character). As to the song itself, it's a fairly effective shot at a very easy target, though it's a little dated now because X-Factor winners no longer seem to be given songs that refer directly to the talent-show struggle narrative: whatever 'When We Collide', 'Cannonball' and 'Impossible' have in common, they don't really talk about striving in the way that 'That's My Goal' and 'A Moment Like This' did. Actually, that's quite an interesting digression in itself, but a bit beyond the scope of this post, so I'll save the speculation for another time. Meanwhile Kay's lyric talks about striving and success in a way that's slightly ambiguous and also a bit clod-hopping, presumably patterned after 'A Moment Like This' in particular (which would also fit with when he'd most likely have written it). Barlow produces a very exact pastiche of the slow-build by-numbers ballad for show-off singers, complete with key-change. In fact it's so close to the real thing I have to wonder whether he might just have dusted off something he'd already written rather than coming up with this for the occasion. I'm not sure whether it's more or less funny in retrospect now that Barlow's written very similar songs in earnest for Westlife and Matt Cardle - though I for one find it hilarious that neither of those singles was as successful as this one.

Also appearing on: Now 78 (with Susan Boyle)
Available on: The Winners Song

The Proclaimers featuring Brian Potter and Andy Pipkin '(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles'

Chart Peak: 1 (3 weeks)

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Nineteen years after it was originally a hit for the Scottish brothers, the Proclaimers return with a very special Comic Relief version of their catchy anthem 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)'...The song premiered on this year's Comic Relief and features the comedy talents of Peter Kay and Matt Lucas.

I can imagine this one might be somewhat difficult for non-British readers (if any) to appreciate. In essence this was an attempt to repeat the surprise success of 2005, when Tony Christie's 1970s hit '(Is This The Way To) Amarillo' was given a new video featuring comedian Peter Kay and many other guest stars. Released as a secondary single for the charity appeal, it went on to outsell that year's "official" single by miles and became one of the biggest hits of the decade.

Inevitably, Kay had to try the same thing two years on, but upped the ante by actually appearing on the record itself, in the guise of his character from the sitcom Phoenix Nights. Also featuring is fellow comic and well-known Proclaimers fan Lucas, here as one of the characters from Little Britain; the gag being that both these characters are in wheelchairs so they have to sing that they'd "roll 500 miles" instead of walk it. It's not the funniest joke ever, admittedly, but it worked well enough of the night as a vehicle for the video, where they perform in front of a cast of stars and ex-stars. Enough people downloaded the single on Saturday for it to enter the charts at 3 the next day and it was inevitably going to top the chart when available on CD and DVD formats with the video. It even pulled the original 1988 recording back into the Top 40, and led to something of a comeback from the Reid twins.

Five years down the line, it's not something you'd make a great effort to listen to but it's generally good humoured and certainly does what it sets out to do better than the Girls Aloud vs. Sugababes track that it deposed from the top of the chart. It's not a bad end to the album. It almost takes us back in a circle, with credits in the video like Justin Timberlake's track.

The Proclaimers also appear on: Now 13
Available on: The Best Of...